Welcome to Nolan's World

Re-Establishing Rhythm

This is a blog post that I have probably tried to write over a hundred times in the past six months.  Blogging had become such a regular part of my life over the last six years that I couldn't imagine not doing it...

...Then out of the blue, I stopped blogging for the better part of six months.

In fact, when I went back and read some of the things I wrote in 2011, I got really discouraged, and I made the bold (and incredibly stupid) decision to erase and unpublish an entire nine months worth of blog posts (note to self: don't ever do that again).  

So here I am, a guy who used to blog regularly attempting to blog again.

My hands are shaking a little bit as I type this.  I am eager to re-establish the rhythm of sharing my life journey with you by writing here, but I am also cautious.

I am cautious because I am a little scared inside that I can't regain my blogging mojo.

I want to write well and not suck.  I want to add value to anyone who reads this blog and not be self-indulgent.  I want to make you glad you stopped to read here and not roll your eyes as you click onto another website.

The only way to conquer my fear is to jump right back in and get to work.  If this post is a little clunky to read, I promise it feels 100 times more clunky to write, but if I don't hit the "publish now" button in the next couple of minutes, and I will put this off again.

I can't afford to keep erasing this first post and putting off starting again for another day, so I am just going to go out on the edge, jump in, be willing to be messy for a few weeks, and re-establish rhythm doing something I love once again.

I am really hoping, for both our sakes, this will get easier with practice.

P.S.  It's really good to be back! 

 

 

13.1 Observations from the St. Jude Half Marathon

#1--As I waited in the starting area, it hit me that for the first time, I was not worried about being the last person to finish the race!  I may be big, but I had me some race swagger on Saturday!!!

#2--I didn't have to deal with extreme cold or torrential rain for this race like I did my first two half-marathons.  I suppose the third time really is a charm.

#3--There is no greater high for me than seeing my wife and daughter cheering me on!!!  I loved running down Riverside Drive and over Beale Street, but when I turned the corner and headed toward Autozone Park, I could not wait to see my girls!!!

#4--It's a really great thing to have portapotties along the race route.  It's a bad thing when all the portapotties are full and you have to wait and it cuts into your race time.

#5--There is road race etiquette that is SUPPOSED to be observed--slower traffic is supposed to move to the right and let runners pace on the left.  A group of women who were walking quite fast apparently didn't like the idea of a fat man trying to run by them so they tried to blockade me a few times.  It was tricky, but I finally passed them and left them completely in my dust at about mile seven!

#6--I am fully convinced that there is no greater joy in life for a fat man to run past a group of skinny people in a road race!

#7--I finally experienced what a lot of running friends have told me about:  I started TOO FAST (well, at least for me).  For the first four miles, I wore out the road! For the next four miles, I felt unstoppable!  When I made my way onto Poplar after running through Overton Park, I knew the last five miles were gonna kick my behind...and boy, did they ever!

#8--Running through the St. Jude hospital campus is one of those experiences I wish that everyone of you could have at least once in your life.  Looking at the faces of children and their families who are fighting a battle with cancer while running was inspiring, sobering, and humbling all at the same time!

#9--It was so inspiring to know I had many friends running this race with me.  When I got a little tired, I thought of them.  In fact, at about mile 9, I was able to run with my friend Jon through one of my toughest stretches in the race.  Just huffing and puffing together for that half mile fueled my spirit to push through my wall ahead.

#10--Miles 10 and 11:  You held me down way too much this year.  Prepare to be owned by me in 2011!

#11--Even though the last five miles were really tough, I maintained a per mile pace 50 seconds faster than last year, which translated into an almost 11 minute gain on last year's time (not to mention the time I lost at the mile 4 portapotty fiasco!)

#12--It's hard for me to believe that I have completed 3 half-marathons in the span of 365 days!  

#13--It's never too late to become proactive and live your dream!

#13.1--How about 100 or so of you come run with me next year?  It's much more fun to run with friends! (more info to come about joining my team soon) 

Gracenomics

I had the opportunity to purchase Mike Foster's most recent book Gracenomics: Unleash the Power of Second Chance Living on my Kindle last week.  After reading the book, I can honestly tell you this was one of the best books I have read in 2010.  This was a very quick read--I knocked it out in two sittings--but it ministered to me on a very deep level.  

Grace seems to be that thing that everyone wants to receive freely yet so few of us are willing to give it sacrificially.  Foster does a great job of sharing with us why we are hard-wired by our God-given design to be agents of radical grace.

Lots of Christian books come across as prescriptive, an expert sharing how he has achieved a great "new-level" in his walk and how if we carefully follow the steps laid out in his book that the reader may too "get there" one day.  Foster's tone comes across as a sojourner, who has yet to fully discover the power of giving and receiving grace, yet is hungry for more of both.

Here are two of my favorite passages from Gracenomics:

"Our definition of value has been hijacked by speed of growth, prominence and attention. But it is critical for all of us to understand that the true worth of an idea isn’t determined by whether our efforts are showcased in the New York Times or whether we have 500,000 Facebook Fans.   Value creation happens when someone is impacted for the good, lives are changed, people are transformed and the organization’s mission moves forward."

"Who is the person who you have come to believe you can never, ever forgive?   Think of that person now. You know who I’m talking about right?   What is his/her name? Say it out loud. Or write it down...now.   And then let today be the day you forgive. And let it go.   This is just for you. Not for them.   For when you forgive you will finally be free."

The Problem with Problem Solving

I read a devotional book most days along with my Bible reading named "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  It is a series of messages written from the perspective of Jesus to His followers.  Today's entry smacked me hard and I thought you may appreciate its point as well:

"PROBLEMS ARE PART OF LIFE.  They are inescapable: woven into the very fabric of this fallen world.  You tend to go into problem solving mode all too readily, acting as if you have the capacity to fix everything.  This is a habitual response, so automatic that it bypasses your conscious thinking.  Not only does this habit frustrate you, it also distances you from Me.

Do not let fixing things be your top priority.  You are ever so limited in your capacity to correct all that is wrong in the world around you.  Don't weigh yourself down with responsibilities that are not your own.  Instead, make your relationship with Me your primary concern.  Talk with Me about whatever is on your mind, seek My perspective on the situation.  Rather than trying to fix everything that comes to your attention, ask Me to show you what is truly important.  Remember that you are en route to heaven, and let your problems fade in the Light of eternity."

Psalm 32:8; Luke 10:41-42; Philippians 3:20-21

(If you are looking for a devotional book to kick off 2011 with, I can't recommend Jesus Calling highly enough...it's packed with great thoughts everyday and you can get it super-cheap right now through the amazon link!)

The Silence of God

Over the last several weeks, I have been reading through the book of Job.  One thing that stood out to me was the absence of the voice of God in the majority of the book.  With the exceptions of chapters 1 and 2, we don’t hear directly from God until chapter 38.

For those of you keeping score at home, that’s 36 chapters of silence.

Job’s home, assets, and 10 children have all been wiped away in an instant.  His body is covered in painful sores.  His wife tells Job to curse God and die.  

How does God show up for Job?  Honestly, it appears as if He doesn’t!

Ever felt like Job must have?  At the moment you most desperately need to hear from God, all you hear is SILENCE?

And in the midst of the thin silence that may drive us to the edge of insanity in our darkest hour, that’s when our faith is forged.  God has not abandoned us any more than He had abandoned Job, but it sure feels like He has.  

When it seems like the voice of God is curiously and mysteriously absent, it is so easy to be tempted to think that the Lord has forgotten us or just doesn't care about the pain we are encountering.  If I can be really honest for a moment, this feeling creeps up in me regularly, and it has for several years.  There have been several hard and dark days when just a little affirming verbal cue from the throne of the Almighty would make all the difference in my world, yet I received nothing more from Heaven than the deafening sound of silence in those moments.

When God chooses not to speak, what can the Christian continue to cling to?  I can't speak for everyone, but I search for His fingerprints.  Even at the times when I can't hear His voice, I can oftentimes find the evidence of His Presence.  His affirmation smiles back at me in the face of my wife and daughter.  His love is passed on to me through an encounter with an old friend.  A circumstance that is so "undeniably Him" crosses my path.  Even though I don't directly hear the voice of God speaking to me, I can discover how His Hands have been guiding and providing for me every step of the way.

My guess is that some of you are desperate to hear from God.  Let me encourage you to keep on hanging on even if He chooses not to speak.  Even though it may seem like God is a world away from you right now, let me assure you that He is not.  He loves you and cares for you deeply and even though His silence may seem cruel to you in this moment, trust that He has a purpose for it!

Maddie's Baptism Video

Time Clock or Finish Line?

Over the last two years, I have become fascinated with long-distance distance running.  Call me crazy, but I felt God whisper into my soul almost two years ago that I needed to plan and train to run a marathon.  I actually tried to laugh it off and dismiss it for the better part of six months, but God wouldn't let me get away from idea of it.  Over the last 18 months, I have finished two half-marathons, and in less than a month, I will run my third half.  My plan is run a full blown 26.2 mile marathon in early June 2011.  

Yesterday, Alison and I spent several minutes watching the elite runners finish the New York City marathon.  It was amazing to watch these incredibly gifted athletes with their gazelle-like strides kick it into high-gear as they made their ways to the winner's podium.

I wish the coverage hadn't stopped there.  

I wish that they would have shown the runners who had no dreams of setting world records, but were bound and determined to cross that finish line no matter the toll that the race course took on their bodies.  Some runners are gifted as world-class athletes, but the common bond of the elite runners and "the fat man on the run (like myself)" is the undeterred grit and passion to finish our races well.  

I will never run with the grace of a Kenyan, but inside my body rests the heart of a champion.  I will not allow the obstacles of my weight and arthritis stop me from running MY best race.  My will has pushed my body to new limits that I never dreamed possible a mere 18 months ago. 

Every day I choose to train should be a celebration.  Each training session is erasing a sedentary lifestyle that I embraced for far too long.  I am doing a re-write on my life.  I'd rather be known as an athlete who was too dumb to quit than as a has-been who was too weak to try!

That's not to say this journey has been easy.  Even today, I was psyching myself out about a six mile run that I really didn't want to do, but knew that I had to get it done.  I whined and moaned and belly-ached while squeezing into my spandex shorts (undergarment--fat men should NEVER run in spandex shorts alone--that's my commitment and promise to each of you) and lacing up my running shoes.  Fifteen minutes later I had finally sucked it up and started pounding the pavement.  When the six miles were over, I was glad that I didn't quit before I started!

For 18 months I have been willing to chase the inkling of a dream that my Father implanted in the depths of my soul.  And I plan to chase that dream until I hold that medal that says "finisher" in my hand a short eight months from now!

See you at the finish line!

Valuing People Like Jesus

On one hand, add up the people in life you value the most.  This list may include your spouse, children, family, close friends--anyone who REALLY matters.  If they were struck with a potentially terminal illness, would you mortgage and sacrifice EVERYTHING in an effort to give this person more time on earth with you?  You better believe it!!!

On the other hand, count the people who have caused you the most pain in life, people for which you potentially hold a great measure of disdain.  They may have bruised and beaten you, possibly even broken you.  In reality, you have little use for them and their lives matter little to you.

Jesus sees the people you have counted on both your hands, and He was willing to stretch out both of His Holy Hands as a sacrificial offering to redeem both groups.  The person you value least in this world is priceless (in the good sense) to Jesus Christ.

Christ may not be pleased with the actions of your foe, but He is exalted when you extend grace to that person who has pained and persecuted you!  Jesus talked repeatedly about loving our enemies, yet how many of us who call Him Savior practice His teaching in this area?

Your life has immense value to God--enough that He would allow Jesus Christ to die on your behalf.  Your enemy's life has the SAME value in His eyes.

Grace is always great to receive, but it's even more beautiful to give!

May we show the light of Christ to a dark world by the way we forgive, love, and serve those whom we have considered enemies.  

Assigning Blame and Owning Mistakes

Mistakes and messes are expected from imperfect people.  Here's a little advice for the next time you blow it (trust me, I've had lots of practice in the art of screwing up royally):

1.  Own your messes--"I was wrong and I'm sorry" said in the right spirit goes a LONG way in cleaning up a mistake.  

2.  Clean your messes--Fix what you can as soon as you can with as many people as you can.

3.  Start over with others and yourself--Wiping the slate clean often will keep residual grudges and resentment from building up over time.

4.  Don't expect perfection from anyone, including yourself--Work hard, but understand as you deal with humanity, messes and conflicts will arise repeatedly.  Be candid, but do your best not to be hurtful.

5.  Assigning blame to others only paints a bigger target on yourself--it also makes you look shallow and petty, and a bit like an angry loser of the troll variety.

6.  Celebrate every little victory--this helps losses feel a little less painful after a bit.

7.  When all else fails, look at others through the eyes of Jesus, and value them the way He does (more on this next post)

40 Days Worth of Catching Up

• It's hard for me to believe that I went 40 days without blogging.  The time away from writing here has been good for my soul, but I am glad to be getting back at it.
• I did a fair share of writing while on my blog-sabbatical, but most of it was in my journal...some of those thoughts will be finding their way here in the weeks to come.
• While on my break from blogging, I was also on my second ever 40 day fast.  I will share more about this incredible journey at some point in the next week--right now I am still trying to process some of my takeaways from it.  The fast ended at dinner time Friday night, and man, it was good to have some solid, crunchy food after 40 days of water, juice, protein shakes, and soups!
• Without getting into all of the details of the fast right now, I can say with confidence that God used this time of fasting to do some deep healing to portions of my wounded and burnt-out soul!  I walk away from this experience a different man, and for that, I am truly grateful.
• Two books you ought to check out--Steven Furtick's Sun Stand Still and Bill Hybel's The Power of a Whisper.  Both are amazing reads and hit me right where I live.
• God never ceases to amaze me!  I am so grateful for an amazing wife, wonderful daughter, incredible church, and great friends.
• Will have another post tomorrow, but for now, I need to go cuddle with a sick little girl who had to stay home from school today...happy Monday!